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profile You can say whatever you want to say but type more than you could ever type because the more you type the nicer it'll look so just go on and on and on and on on typing this chunk like hi i am a girl who likes shiny things like diamonds and glitter i like nice boys and actually i am a witch in disguise this skin is inspired from mintyapple which is a community for skins. archives August 2004 January 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 September 2008 November 2008 January 2009 September 2009 affiliates affiliate affiliate affiliate affiliate affiliate tagboard credits you can remove this if you don't have a conscience. i assure you i will not hunt you down. skin by: Jane |
Sunday, August 06, 2006 @ 10:21 AM
something sad as usual, i blog hop a lot and i saw this entry in one of the blogs i read. definitelly one of the saddest entry i have seen so far.. ******* Bao Bei... i really wanted to tell u these... but im afraid dat i will scare u away... dat i think im in love with u... for the past 2 days, i have been thinking non-stop abt u... i want to control thought but my subconsciousness wont obey... images of u keep surfacing up from my sea of thoughts... those moments we spent together...despite dat i have done my best to dispel them... the whole time i was dying to msg u while u were in school... i was waiting desperately for u to come online...cos i wanted to know where u r... it was already 7+ pm... but u were still not home as ur msn appeared offline to me... guess u went out with ur frens... nvm... i will wait for u to come home... finally, at 9+ i see u online... should i talk to u? or not? im hesitent... will u find me bugging? constantly pesterring u? cos afterall im, perhaps, just a friend to u... but u talked to me 1st... dat really blow me out of my mine... u dont know how delighted i was when i see ur msn chat window pop out on the monitor... i suddenly feel very cheap... ur every move influences my emotions... why i suddenly become so gu niang? where is my usual composure? where is my coolness? they are nothing when facing u... i really dont know how to maintain our relationship anymore... im afraid dat if i continue to avoid u, u may misunderstand me dat i dont like u therefore i ignore u... NO... i keep a distance from u cos u r too precious to me... im a fraid dat 1 day u will forget me... i was eager to speak to u... and ask u how ur day had been... but i held back... why?... cos im not sure if im anything more than just a normal friend to u... so i only asked if u had taken ur meal and reminded u to take ur medicine... the stuff dat normal friends would say to each other... but u seemed busy to entertain me... im afraid to guess ur thoughts... wat if u actually think of me as a bug, a pester, a loser...(sorry to use this word again... i still remember vividly how u told me not to call myself dat again... but its wat im feeling right now...) Bao Bei, i love you. do you know? no, you dont... u better not... cos i know dat u r already very vexed with ur troubled relationship with ur bf... yes, ur bf... u r attached... dat is wat i have been reminding myself all these while... while i desperately struggled to escape ur mesmerisation... alrite alrite... u have won the battle... i lost... u happy? wad la... just trying to relax the tension here... sorry... dat day we went out... i can see dat u were not happy... thinking abt ur bf? ...zzzz... why did i bother to ask... i guess u were not really with me when we were spending time together... am i right on this? yes? no? nvm... since either 1 wont make me feel better... u love ur bf... u dont love me... ouch... *prang*... something broke... wat broke?... my heart... yell, "somebody save me..." ....zzzz.... i hear only my echo... u told me abt how ur bf's family is trying to intervent this relationship and break up the 2 of u. do u know how i felt? no, i didnt feel happy... i felt sad... cos i know dat u will be engulfed by sorrow if u break up with ur bf... u love ur bf. so i did my best to encourage u to have more faith in urself and ur bf, and i adviced u how u should handle the problem so u can maintain ur relationship with ur bf... do u know how i felt? my heart was bleeding... but dats alright... cos i know dat u will be happy if u can remain by the side of ur bf... and its all worth it to me... how i feel is not important... its how u will feel dat is important to me... to love is not to possess, but to sacrifice... and i did dat... haha im proud of myself... hehe... dots... not funny... Bao Bei must be happy k? then i will be happy too... *hugz* Bao Bei, i love you. and im sorry abt the incident... u said i wasnt myself... and some other things which i didnt manage to catch... honestly i dont understand wat u were trying to convey to me... sorry, im insensitive... sorry, im blunt... sorry, im obtuse... but 1 thing u were right... i wasnt exactly myself... cos i know dat u werent exactly urself... u dont really mean to do it... wat i think? its ok if u were just seeking sanctuary in me... u were carrying too heavy a burden and u wanted a break... im willing to share it for u... Bao Bei, go ahead and find ur happiness... dont feel dat u owe me anything... cos i did everything for u on my own accord...willingly...unregretful... im here for u to hold on to if u ever meet abstacles again... cos Bao Bei i love you. i dont know for how long this feeling for u will last...cos i cant forever wait here for u... one day, one day, i will fall out of love with u, get over u and fall for somebody else... but i promise u dat i will try my best to prevent dat day from arriving... but, when dat day comes, u will no longer find me waiting for u, standing by ur side...cos i would have already moved on... if dat really happens... pls dont change ur mind and come look for me... let me go... i cant love you anymore... but i will still remember u as someone whom i once so dearly loved... someone whom i once regarded as my everything... its been a long time since i last felt such passionate a love... since my 1st love... Bao Bei, i love you. its ok if u dont love me. as long u r able to love the person u love, im happy for u... Cos Bao Bei, i love you... i really do... |